I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
