Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
