I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
