i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
