I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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