I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
