Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
