Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
