so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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