went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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