You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Houston, we have a blender
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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