Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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