just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
