It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize