I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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