i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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