also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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