google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
