Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
