Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
