Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
