So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
