And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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