Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
