If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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