Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
