as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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