Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
