Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
