You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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