She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
