So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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