the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ttyl tear gas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
