so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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