Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
