as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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