i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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