we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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