margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
