Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
