Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
