y did u give ur computer a hand job?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
