chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
