I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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