new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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