Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
