Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
