just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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