i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
