You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
