dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
