Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
