At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
