Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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