I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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