Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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