I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
