I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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