So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
