omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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