Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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