guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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