I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
