everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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