Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
