I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
