if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
