you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
