I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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