so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
