I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
