Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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