omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
