This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
