I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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