Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
