Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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