i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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