I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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