If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
