FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
